Good News for a change

NO MORE CHEMO FOR TWO MONTHS!

That's the good news.  The not so good news is that I am not in remission and, most probably, the chemo monster will now be my friend for life.  In other words, my metastatic breast cancer is now under control and can be regarded as a chronic disease. I can look forward to having periods of chemo therapy for the rest of my days.

Well, I hope not, but it's a very likely scenario that I just have to get my head around. The possibility of this being the case dawned on me last month and, after a good cry, I had a session with Angela, my cancer counsellor, who informed me that it's a possibility, but she has patients who have been living happily like that for over a decade, so I calmed down.  I have had a chronic disease with my adrenals since 1985, so what's another one. Piece of cake!  I don't think so!.

In any case, that's the way the situation is at the moment, and I decided to go with the flow and get on with my life. I need to get my energy back, then get back to work and make some money.  I haven't been able to do that all year, but am getting freelance work now.

So....

Reassessing my life...

We are going into summer here in Australia and, just like in Europe over July-August, everything pretty much stops after mid-December until the end of January.  People take their holidays and business slows. My temping job definitely stops, as do sources of freelance work.  I am very lucky to have just been given an editing assignment with an end-of-January deadline. And I have to see the Professor again around that time. How sweet is that?

So the plan is to finish my essay that I am currently writing for a competition.  It's a labour of love about the treatment of asylum seekers by the Australian government, but the first prize is good money, so I am aiming for that (aren't we all?). The deadline for the essay is December 2. When I am done with that,  I am going to have a well earned break and visit a friend on the Gold Coast. I love traveling by train, so I may indulge myself. Rail travel is also preferable to airplanes because of the compression sleeves you have to wear in planes to avoid lymphedema, and compression sox to avoid deep vein thrombosis (DVT).  Actually, one of the things on my bucket list is to travel on the Gan and see more of Australia.

When I come home from my well deserved rest, I will sit down and reassess my situation. I am already planning to reinvent myself as a freelance writer and am getting excited about the prospect. I have a couple of projects planned already.

Regarding my mental health, I am hoping that I can transition smoothly from yearning to go into remission to getting on with reality and adapting myself to living with cancer as a chronic disease.

2014 should be an interesting year.

In the swim

I went swimming today for the first time since January, when I swam at dawn at Shark Bay in Nielsen Park, on Sydney Harbour. It was magic, but I was already so sick that when I swam I was pretty much done for the day.

Today was different. I swam at my local pool, the Annette Kellerman Acquatic centre in Marrickville. It's not as picturesque as Nielsen Park, but it's close and, with its gym and personal trainer, it has all the facilities I need to get my strength back.


I've been going to the gym for the past month or two when I was in the 'off chemo' part of the cycles, but I didn't dare to go into the pool for fear of infection from all the kiddies and who knows what else. Now that I am feeling better and believe that I am at the end of my chemo treatment (keeping fingers crossed), I thought I'd give it a go. I used to be a very strong swimmer and used to swim daily before work when my son was small, so beginning this week I am revisiting the old routine and plan to get up early to be at the Aquatic Centre by 6am. The plan is to go six days a week, alternating between the gym and the pool. In the old days I used to feel energised for the rest of the day. I want to get back to that feeling.  Right now, I feel energised, but also tired, so we shall see.

Getting off the chemo is always a tricky business. When I am on chemo I know that at certain times of the day I will be knocked off my feet and need to plan my activities around that. During the 'off period' however,  I immediately feel liberated, but my energy level and brain capacity is actually low for a couple of days and it's very tempting to do too much. It's difficult to find a balance between doing too little or too much.

One of the most frustrating thing in getting back to the gym is the peritoneal port I have had implanted in my abdomen for draining the ascites. Normally, I don't feel it and often forget it's in there, and remember only when I have my shower and feel the hard bump where it's located. Getting back to the gym, however, I quickly realised that there are certain exercises I can't do until my muscle tone returns, because the port seems to be causing pain and discomfort. Talk about difficulties in finding a balance. When I asked the Professor what types of exercises to avoid, he looked at me like I was an idiot and said firmly: EXPERIMENT! So, I am experimenting even in the pool which strokes would irritate the thing and which not. As my ascites is so much better, I was hoping to get rid of the thing, but I was told it will stay in as long as needed and was reassured that it can stay in safely for 20 years! May I live so long!

Anyway, the ugly truth is that it may need to stay in as long.  As of the last blood test I still don't know whether I will go into remission or if the chemo will just hold the cancer in check. I will have to have that chat with the professor at our next meeting in two weeks.

In the meantime, I am getting into the last stage of writing an essay for a competition, so I am doing everything I can to stay strong and focused. Going to the gym and keeping up my body and brain exercises is geared to that end.  Aside from the considerable first prize purse, I need the to know that I can still complete complex writing assignments as I need to reinvent myself (yet again) to be able to make a living. I have many alternative plans, but for now the priority is to maintain health and finish the essay.

I've been working on a longer blog entry about chemo side effects and how to deal with them. I called it The Gross Report, but I found that I really don't want to revisit that now as I move into this last stage of writing.  I need to look forward, not backward.  Nevertheless, I will finish it sometime so, if you have any difficult side effects you learned to manage positively, please let me know so I can include it.