One step forward, one step back

It's been a very strange day. The last day of this particular two week chemo cycle, which was rougher than the last one. My eyes were a real worry. I noticed that my vision got worse just after I took the cyclophosphamide pills. It was hard to focus without the eye-patch for much of the day. So, I did a little research. I googled both the cyclophosphamide and the 5FU. I seemed to recall both had visual disturbance as a side effect.

What would we do without Google?

Well. we could turn to ask.com.

I guess there isn't much difference between them, because both came up with the same answer for 5FU - 11.5% people treated with it reported blurred vision.

Another study on cyclophosphamide found that after 1-6months of treatment 31.58% of people taking cyclophosphamide suffered some form of medium blurred vision, including those who were also treated with methotrexate.

OK, I am not going to go into the statistics, because that's my weakest subject, but the point is that, even with my limited knowledge it's plain to see that the blurring of my vision is the result of taking the chemotherapy drugs.

Naturally,there are other side effects as well. Today, I had a body-full of those too. About a half hour after taking the pills my body became very heavy and I simply could not keep my eyes open.  In the morning, I had plans for working on my assignment, but that was not to be. Not until the late afternoon, when the cyclophosphamide was supposed to have cleared for the day (4-5 hours, according some of the information I've read). Within a short time I was fast asleep and woke up around 2-3 hours later. Well, that's half the day gone, right there.

Then, my eyes wouldn't focus and my head was mush. I couldn't concentrate on anything. So, I gave in and played games on my iPad. What a waste of time. But hey, if my body wants to rest, why not put on the music and let the games begin!  Tomorrow is another day and I will not have to take those damn pills for two weeks! Halleluyah!

Energy blues

Conserving energy has been one of the least mentioned subjects during this cancer treatment and now that I am getting better, I push the boundaries of what is feasible. Today was no exception.

It's been almost a week from the last intravenous chemo and I have pretty much worked out that my energy seems OK in the morning and after 4-5pm when I take the chemo tablets. So, yesterday I made arrangements to have some of my things brought home from storage and downsize the storage unit I rent until I find a friend with a large garage and/or get rid of the stuff I still have stored. The man said he would meet me there 8am sharp. 

I got there a bit early and went through the boxes to see what I want taken home. The man was a bit late and I had time to peruse at my leisure. And when he arrived, he was charming, he was energetic, he was the exact opposite of how I was feeling. A breath of fresh air. 'No worries' - says he and starts to lift the heavy boxes. Me, I am wilting. My head is woozy and I start to worry how I am going to drive home. I realised I should have asked someone to come with me. I start to dial and message strong men - young and old - who may be around to help. Nope. Only answering machines. What to do? I leave the young man to do his thing and sit down in the office. Waiting. Waiting for what?

The mobile rings. My rescuer. My knight in shining armour for today. By this time I am ready to throw everything out and when the young man says he can take things to recycle, I just wave a royal wave. Do it! It's only later I discover I waved away a few things I wanted to keep. Mea Culpa.

We make it home safe, I pay, my knights leave.  I crash on the bed. My phone starts ringing. My brother in Florida. Can you Skype?  My mobile phone buzzes a message. Mom, can you Skype? No guys, I am pooped. I can't move. Don't bother me. I take my cyclophosphamide pills and wish I could go to sleep. No way. My brain is alive, my body is walkabout. 

It's 2pm now (4hours later) and I wonder if there's anything on the internet about how to conserve your energy while you are undergoing chemotherapy. Sure there is. Platitudes. 'Save your energy, conserve your energy'. But how? I can't just sit around doing nothing. And nobody seems to be expanding on the 'how?' Or at least I couldn't find anything.

Well, there are ways. Get your family and friends surround you with love and attention. If nobody is physically there, call them, email them, tweet them. They would love to hear from you - either to entertain you while you are comfortably wilting on your bed, or to offer to come around and make you some tea or coffee. Only accept personal appearance from people you know well, for whom you don't have to put on an act and with whom you are comfortable just being quiet or reading side by side, or watching TV. The others take up too much energy.

What else? We are having an election campaign here in Australia. It's deafeningly boring, or rather disheartening. There's not much difference between the major parties, both have some outstandingly stupid policies. I won't say no more. We have compulsory voting here, so we have to vote. A conundrum. So, for the past week I have deliberately not watched the news, just caught up once a day on the web. Big conservation of energy!

Best of all, have fun. Watch funny movies and laugh a lot with your loved ones. Even if it's just about your cancer. Big easing of tensions and worry all around. Since my son lives overseas, one of my solutions is to txt him, especially at night when everyone around me is asleep, that I am feeling down and need a joke. I have to say that I get some doozies. During daytime, I've been know to call friends with the same request and we end up with big guffaws. Yes, there's laughter in cancer. It's the best way to conserve energy, the best medicine of all (and if you really want to laugh, read this medical description of what 'humour therapy' can do for you)!