Dark after light

Didn't have to wait long to see how things go this time. It's the next day from the previous post and I am crashing - hard. Had a sleepless night last night. Was up two hours without being able to go back to sleep. That's from the steroids they pump into you with the inravenous methotrexate and 5 FU.

Now, I am having problems. My eyes are blurred, I am dizzy and my mouth is burning from the cyclophosphamide pills. That will go soon, I know from experience, but I am not sure how long I'll have to fight the dizziness. I find that if I focus on mental things then somehow the physical hardship is more bearable. I don't want to sleep during the day, because I don't want to lose total control of my day. Of course, I may have to. I'll just wait and see. For now, I'll try and do my classwork before friends drop by...

Forget the class work. It's 4-5 hours later. My friends have come and gone and I had a chat with another one on the phone. I thought I was ready to take a nap, but no. I can't get settled - on or off the bed. I have to keep moving, but doing what? My body is shaking internally and I am not balanced. I am worried I might fall over if I go for a walk....

I had a lovely, light lunch. Body seems a bit better. Head still fuzzy. Maybe watch some TV or listen to music? Very listless, jittery. A chemo frenzy? Been there before. It will pass.

It's quite amazing how fast one forgets the unpleasantness of chemotherapy. Maybe just as well. Maybe the body is programmed to recover and that's how people going through major physical and psychological traumas can actually recover and lead productive lives.  My mind wonders. Time to rest. The body will take care of itself.